Sometimes I Wish I Had A D***

I am going to be a total biatch and say what’s exactly on my mind:

I think old people should be blocked from Facebook.

The “Old people” in question is my Nan.

Once upon a time, I thought of her as cool. Once upon a time, I was very naive.

If you see her, you wouldn’t believe she’s my grandmother since she dresses somewhat like a teenager. Also, she’s not that aged on account of being married only when she was 15 years old. Something she never lets us forget.

She’s super annoying. And I mean, super-duper, bang-my-head-against-wall-annoying. So annoying I refused to avail my annual leave when she was visiting us. I never refuse a holiday from work. NEVER.

Over the last few years, she has committed numerous acts to piss me off and holds the top place in the Most Hated Relatives list ( along with my other grandmother, from my Dad’s side).

Her child like behavior and extreme maturity is often justified by this statement:

She was married very young. She didn’t really get to live her life, you know

Translation: She lived a crappy life. Now so will you.


She often utilizes her time using Facebook and checking up on grandsons and granddaughters. Others are smarter than I am, and haven’t added her at all. Which she complains about all the time. What harm can this woman do?

Apparently, A LOT.

Yesterday, she stalked the profile of a friend of mine. Somehow, she landed on a picture of us hugging each other.

Quick Fact: We live in a very conservative country. Shaking hands and hugging with members of the opposite sex isn’t exactly encouraged. And hugging is probably as bad as sleeping with men. For some lunatics, anyway.

Instead of confronting me about it, she made a d*** move and posted the picture on her Facebook wall. ON HER FACEBOOK WALL.

This might have been an error, she might have been trying to send it through message, but that’s how good she is with Facebook.


Also, she tagged my Aunt too as if to say, “Look Fari, look at what your favourite niece has been upto all along!

She just wanted to prove what a deviant girl my Mom was bringing up. She wanted to embarrass me!

When my friend told me that my grandmother had done this, I laughed uncontrollably like a hyena. Somethings are so hurtful they make you want to laugh. But then I cried too. I was hysterical.

Dear readers, my Grandma is not a bad person. Not at all. She is just very concerned about my “dignity” and “honor” because I am a girl.

It’s completely acceptable for her grandsons to date non-Muslim women, even bring them home if they so wish to, but it is a crime, dare I say FORBIDDEN for me to display my affections or to fall in love with someone because I don’t have a d***.

Sometimes I really wish I had one.

She could have just confronted me about the picture.

Oh, I am sorry. You see, that’s what an ADULT would have done.


Goodness. She’s completely insane.

I would never understand why people think it’s their absolute god given right to tell others how to live their life. Next thing I know she’ll be telling me what’s acceptable and what’s not, to do in bed.

Jesus. What is wrong with my relatives?!!

Lest there be any confusion, she just wanted to prove what a bad girl I am. If that picture was so shameful and if she had been genuinely concerned about me, she would never have posted it on her wall.

All night I fought the urge to call her up at 4 in the morning and ask her if she was getting paid enough to stalk me.

Then, I thought I should give her number to my friends in the US, asking them to prank call her every other day.

Then, I thought I should pay someone to hack her account.

Then, I thought I should pay an extra grand to the hacker to post porn pictures on her wall. And tag anyone he wishes to.

I need more ideas. And she needs to get a life.




  1. One of the worst mistakes made by me on FB? Adding relatives. My mother is a huge stalker. God forbid I swear or say anything too crazy on there (And I’m 45 mind you), my mother will not only comment, she will call me .”What did you mean on Facebook?” Suddenly I’m 12 years old. Now I just set my privacy setting so that most of my relatives can’t see what I post. And they can’t see who I have for friends aside from common ones. They are all @ssholes anyway. Great blog!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Good for me, my mother hates Facebook while her mother seems to live on it. I get that- everything you type, a random status or a song, it’s always there to be analysed further by irritating relatives. OMG. It’s like there’s no fucking privacy.
      I know. Can you believe I had restricted my Nan and she still managed to do THIS? Ugh.
      Maybe it WAS revenge for blocking her. I hate her so much right now.

      Thank you! I am heading over to yours now 🙂


  2. […] Last thing that made you cry? When my Nan posted a picture of me hugging a friend because she wanted to insult […]


  3. YOU HAVE BEEN TO BANGKOK!?!! AHH I’m so jealous. I love Thai food.

    Fact: When I was 19, my mom created a secret Facebook page with no information, just a blank page with a fake name and she joined my “network” (back when Facebook had networks) so she could see what I was posting. I discovered it when I came home one weekend and used her computer. She is very clever. Thankfully we have a really good relationship now

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, it was LOVELY! Everyone should visit Bangkok at least fun. It’s just so vibrant.

      Omg, that’s sneaky! I guess parents or grandparents in my case, act this sneaky because they feel like they are loosing control over their kids and for a moment, sneaking up on them makes perfect sense.
      Or maybe, being sneaky and over protective is a part of being a parent.
      Who knows?

      I love your hair by the way!


      1. It is part of being a parent… I think? On the bright side, I will always think it is better that they care too much than too little =)

        Liked by 1 person

  4. My FB is strictly limited to 6 people LOL! Sorry to say your Gramps need to get a life and leave you to your space *tsk tsk* cheer up…you could “unfriend” her 😉


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