Why Do People “I Do”?

Good news, guys! I didn’t go to my Mom’s wedding as a harlot. Although, now that I look back at it, it would have been more fun if I would have.The much awaited (not really, but) wedding took place on the 22nd. Finally. Thank Christ. Thank the Lord. Thank Buddha.

Not that I actually cared. That much. You see, StepDad has been living with us for over a month now, anyway.

Shit like this doesn’t happen in Pakistan. You just can’t live together if you’re not married. And here they are, sleeping in the same bed.

But it’s totally fine. They can be as bad ass as they want. But it’s a sin for me to even consider moving abroad because I might end up with a foreigner.

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If there’s one thing they don’t need to worry about, it’s my love life. Thanks to them, I’m emotionally bruised enough to not let myself fall for anyone.

I got my hair curled at a salon for the event. Not by my Nan’s hairdresser though. This girl was skinnier than fuck and had the ugly balls to tell me to switch to a better, healthier diet. She just won’t stop with her suggestions.

Are you going to charge extra for the suggestions?“, I said.

Now that I look back, it probably wasn’t the best decision. I mean, she was the one with the extremely hot curling iron in her hand. But meh.

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It’s safe to say that the gown turned out exactly how I wanted it to be. I didn’t look better than the bride but at least I was the second best. Okay, maybe third.

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I will always hate weddings. I hate them so passionately that it is impossible for me to un-hate them.

I can never understand marriage. What’s the point of committing to live with someone and then commit to turning them into a your idea of them? Such people are better off with sex dolls.

The wedding was a bore, though. Not to mention a complete taco-fest/pussy-fest. There wasn’t ONE single, young man to flirt with. I mean, c’mon!

Despite promising myself to be a wonderful hostess that night (because that IS what I do for a living), I failed. Big time. The realization hit me after approaching the venue: OH MY GOD I’M AT MY MOM’S SECOND WEDDING!

Was I supposed to explain to the guests how my mom’s first marriage had crumbled? How it had come to this? Should I pretend to be angry? Should I justify this?

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So much for being a pleasant hostess.

The Malai Boti in the menu was absolutely delicious. I urged everyone to take it.

Only, it wasn’t Malai Boti at all; it was Tikka Boti. Usually at Pakistani weddings, the food is too oily that one sip from your soda can gives you a weird feeling in your throat. Guess what? The food wasn’t oily. At all.

……Yeah, I know you’re waiting for a pun but I swear, the food was great.

REALLY.

No one got a bad throat because of oily food. There was no crying or fights about how my mom had hogged a rich man or how he had charmed her into marrying him. No one slapped anyone else. It was a very nice, very boring wedding.

The bride and the groom are soon off to Singapore/Thailand/some fucking place in Far East for their honeymoon.

Lovely. I don’t feel like varminting. AT ALL.

While they are gone, I’ll be in charge of this humble abode. I believe getting married clouds your judgement. Because just a few weeks ago, I wasn’t old enough to move abroad. But I’m totally capable of running a house by myself. Totally.

Maybe it’s a parent thing. Or maybe it’s just a Pakistani parent thing.

Has any of your parents remarried? What’s the most boring wedding you have been to? Do your parents getting all touchy feely with each other makes you wanna varmint sometime? I need to hear you.

Zareen Naqvi

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20 comments

  1. deepbluesandseafoamgreens · · Reply

    Your gown is so pretty! And the hair, I want the Zareen hair 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I went through hell and back to make this gown and I’m glad it turned out well, despite my mother’s constant opposition.
      Yes, I do love the hair too. Curls ❤️

      Thank you so much for dropping by honey! 😀

      Like

  2. Well, firstly…You look GORGEOUS! The dress, the hair…everything! How the heck were you not the hottest one there? Secondly, booooo to there not being any hot men to flirt with. That really does suck! And to answer your questions; My parents were together all of their life (My dad died 4 1/2 years ago!), they weren’t the ‘touchy feely’ – thank goodness! I really couldn’t be doing with that! The worst wedding I ever went to was this ‘artsy fartsy’ couple that my husband knows. It was truly terrible. There was an hour long speech by the very drunk MOH – she bored everyone to tears, then there was a poetry recital from the father of the bride and then, if that wasn’t bad enough, he got out his ukelele and sang a couple of his own songs! Gah! It was bloody horrific! I wanted to gauge my own eyes out by the end of the night – just terrible!

    That being said, I do love a ‘good’ wedding and I very much believe in marriage for life 🙂 (like my parents!)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awww thank you Amanda! Mom was looking pretty great too. So yeah maybe I was second. I think!

      Oh my god! I hate speeches! More so drunk speeches! And I just had a crazy vision of a really old guy playing a ukelele. Good lord! Must have been terrible!

      Ah, lucky you! It’s so nice to hear about people who are still together. Slightly raises my hopes! 😀

      Like

      1. Yep, that crazy vision you had, of a really old guy playing a ukelele…that was pretty much how it went down! haha.

        You should stay hopefully. I know most marriages end in divorce, but there is a teeny tiny percentage that don’t! 😀 That is a cause for celebrations!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Haha! It’s hilarious now but I can imagine how bad it must have been.

          There’s my optimistic Amanda! I love you for that! I feel better already! 😀

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Oh good! That’s a relief – I’ll get my bridesmaid dress ready 👗 Hehe!

            Liked by 1 person

            1. If you promise not to give speeches, you can be my MOH! ❤️

              Like

  3. PS; I love that picture of the yawning girl! Classic!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love it too. Took me a long time to find it.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Genuinely hilarious – although I kind of feel bad that I was entertained by what was clearly a shit day for you!

    Maybe redecorate the house whilst they are gone – or sell it? That’ll teach em! x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Sophie!
      Thanks so much for reading and commenting, gorgeous! Oh please don’t. I actually feel better if someone reads my posts and let’s out a laugh or two. Trust me, it’s like the shitty day was worth it!

      Oh my god. You’re a genius. I LOVE the way you think.

      Like

  5. My parents are pretty much the only people in my extended family who have stayed married (insert dry laugh). When remarriages happen, they are less and less of an event. The last time my aunt got married, they just went to a courthouse one day and told everyone later (they had been living together for quite awhile before that). Statistically speaking, both divorcing and living together before marriage increases your likelihood of divorcing. In fact, youre twice as likely to divorce if you’ve been married before, and three times mire likely to divorce if youve been married twice before. And, counter-intuitively, people who cohabitate before marriage are more likely to divore. I think it’s because of the attitude, though. If something like him squeezing the toothpaste wrong can make you uncertain of your commitment, its not the right attitude. 🙂 Anyway. I love being married! You are soooooo gorgeous!! Im sure you were the prettiest there 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey!
      Well that’s just great. Hearing about couples who have stayed married for long keeps my hopes up, even though I am an absolute pessimist. I would agree, the level of tolerance has decreased and people do doubt their spouse for weird reasons. It’s a complicated thing, living with someone is never easy.

      Anyway, good luck with everything to you and your parents. You are far too kind with your compliments! Thank you, though. 🙂

      Like

      1. I consider myself a pessimist as well, but the man i eventually married is slowly encouraging my outlook, haha. I’m also less of a pessimist when it comes to marriage, i guess. I think that if two people commit through the rough and smooth and working for the other’s highest good, things tend to work. 😉 Hope things work out!

        Liked by 1 person

        1. So inspiring. Marriages like yours give me hope!

          Liked by 1 person

  6. […] 49. Last time you hung out with anyone? The day my mom got remarried. […]

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  7. Nice gown! Very pretty picture 🙂

    Like

  8. You’re very pretty and I know the feeling. Marriages are a stupid commitment, you’re better off having your own home, waking up at your own time and none of the ‘I love you’s’ I hate them :/

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! It’s probably the dress but thank you!

      So many people are going vary of marriage. I don’t know what’s wrong with us or the way we live married lives these days. I think everyone needs a companion but I hate how people are absolutely ruining the original idea of marriage.

      Thanks for your comments!

      Liked by 1 person

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