He Who Holds The Key

Under normal circumstances, I’m a fun loving human who believes in equality, humanity and tolerance. Normally. But when I’m locked outside my home, and I really need to use the bathroom…

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This is the third time we have been locked out. Not one. Not twice. But the THIRD time. I think our building guard is starting to wonder if we are just a bunch of lunatics.

Actually, this time we made sure we had the keys. I distinctly remember my mom dangling two separate key chains, filled with a gazillion keys, all different shapes and sizes, in front of our faces.

What was a half an hour trip to the mall to find the perfect shoe for the bride and moi turned into a four hour trip across several malls. She was quick to pick out her shoes, the design on which resembled wings. Ironic and heavily hilarious, since she’s tying the knot soonish. No wings for our Pakistani brides.

I took a long time choosing the perfect pair, rejecting all the awfully bright shimmy shimmy shoes with huge stones in them. This is what I wanted and though I did I see a similar shoe in bronze (and even though it wasn’t Jimmy Choo like this one), the heel was too high.

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After trying on many pairs on request of my mother, I was just walking out of the shop when my eyes fell on the only shoe which wasn’t too shimmy shimmy. The elastic band on the back meant it wouldn’t be too harsh on my feet. With that heel and that price, I just couldn’t resist. I loved the way it was embroided. A perfect blend with my gown, since my gown is a mix of metallic and cream.

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As always, when the main goal of the shopping spree was achieved, my mom made a pit stop. That lasted a freakin’ hour.

By the time we got home, I had waited over an hour and a half to use the loo. Can you imagine the state of my happiness when we finally reached home after the great shopping marathon? And can you imagine my anger when we realised that mom had given the key to our main door to my younger brother who was out that evening?

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So the key chain with the thousand keys? It had every key, but the one to the main door. We couldn’t even get through the other door that leads in through the guest room since some thoughtful soul had double locked it from inside.

Angry glances and murmurs were exchanged as to who was to be blamed for this careless act.

Our bickering brought our neighbors out to see what the fuss was about. Yes, they always seem to know when something is wrong. Sneaky or helpful? You be da judge. They offered us to have a seat on their newly purchased brown sofas, which didn’t go very well with the turquoise blue chairs placed in the room. I noticed an attractive mirror with a border divided into four pieces showing cities like Paris, London etc. The only tasteful thing in the room. I thought if I could get away with borrowing it only to fly to Abu Dhabi with it.

I could have used the loo at their home but I’m awkward like that. I hate seeing other people’s bathrooms. I had already tasted the powdery coffee the mum had made for me, and if I would have gone to use the loo and found it disgusting, I would have varminted right there.

I watched keenly as the locksmith managed to insert hair pins or whatever they are into our door to unlock it. It scared me knowing how easy it was to break someone’s lock.
They should have a “universal” key,” my youngest brother suggested.
Sure, so they could break into all our homes and steal.

Another hour waiting for the locksmith,who strangely smelled like pot, and small talk between Stepdad and our neighbors, I was finally free to have my way with my bathroom.

I’m never leaving the home again without my key. Ever. Again. I might make a necklace out of it and carry it around like a dog if I have to.

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Zareen Naqvi

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7 comments

  1. Hahaha…this was hilarious Zareen…locked outside for the third time…OMG and I can completely understand your urge to visit the loo…get your key ASAP girl 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have my key. I made it the first time we got locked out. But I just left it that day because I thought she had they key!

      God, I still feel so stupid.

      Like

      1. No need to feel stupid…it happens to everyone…in fact we enjoyed reading about your experience 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I’m glad! 🙂 Thanks for reading Aarya!

          Like

  2. Adi, the Happy Lifeaholic · · Reply

    BAHAHA just wanted you to know, that I have a god awful sore throat, and so when I was laughing while reading this, it sounded like a frog croaking the entire time. It was a beautiful moment! I really really really hope you eventually made it to the bathroom! A few night ago, when I got back to college after my long flights, I woke up in the middle of the night desperately needing to pee, and one of my roommates was taking a shower in our only bathroom. For a really long time. Joy. I nearly peed in the sink that night, and am ashamed to say, I peed my pants a wee bit lol. It was awful.

    Like

    1. Oh! I hate sore throats. Have you tried gargling? That might help.
      I can truly share your feelings. I think everyone should have their own personal bathroom. I know, it’s not always possible, like if you’re at a dorm or living in a hostel or whatever but…!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Adi, the Happy Lifeaholic · · Reply

        yup gargled and everything…still no effect. I’ve noticed drinking warm honey water helps…and spicy soups work wonders.

        Liked by 1 person

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