I Am Going To End Up Alone

Sometimes I wonder if I should even be on a dating site. The best part about being in one, though? Updating my profile so that perfect strangers could read about how much I hate flowers and how I worship Adam Lambert.

I could have never imagined there were so many people seeking their “The One”s and soul mates out there. It’s like a bloody fish market, really.

I can fairly say I’m doing “well”Β on this site, judging from the fact that I always have a message or two waiting to be read when I come home. There’s always a bunch of people who have stalked my profile but were too lazy or too uninterested to message me. Occasionally, there’s always a mail or two. Occasionally, I’m at loss for words.

Like, this guy who mailed me the other day. Unlike a normal conversation that starts with hello, he gave me a long short biography of himself: how he lived alone in a big apartment, with a nice job and a nice car, how he loved during laundry, how he couldn’t wait to meet his soul mate. I thought he was perfect. I have always dreamed of being loved by a Swede who loves doing my laundry. I would have said yes to his proposalΒ had he not been ten years older than my dad.

Another guy mailed me, proclaiming his love for me since my eyes are so beeeyoittfulll and urging me to have a hot, passionate meeting on Skype with him. I assume it is completely acceptable on dating sites to proclaim your love for someone you have never had an actual conversation with before.

These men are the definition of confidence. They will not tell you, but they command you to answer them for they are your true-est, best-est match. Is there anything more romantic than being ambushed into relationship? My favourite of the week: A middle aged guy, who is temporarily unemployed (euphemism for permanently unemployed) who had the balls to misspell my name and then messaged me: “Zarrem I think we should definitely have some babies.”

Sometimes I go and look at all the people who have viewed me. Surprisingly, I’m only appealing to all the weird men who are live alone at home and are older than my grandfather.

Guess I’m an old soul after all.

Zareen Naqv

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27 comments

  1. Z: Hahahhaha— ok, aside from feeling pretty damned old now myself, your post was still very funny.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awwww you know I love you!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. πŸ˜€ I commend you on your good taste, Z. πŸ˜€

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Ahhhh maybe you should try another dating site! You’re a pretty girl so don’t doubt yourself girl πŸ˜‰ this dating site thing is just something to fill up your time until you find the real thing. I just know it. xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Totally agree with this comment, you’ll find your soul mate eventually, enjoy the dates in the meantime – the funny creepy people can always be good dinner party anecdontes when you’re with your besties πŸ™‚ xxx

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      1. Hmmm that IS an interesting way of looking at this. Thank you hon! ❀️

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Yes! It is. I just wanted to try whatbit feels like. I like a lot of people. Like a lot. But no one serious yet. Its probably very weird what i have just said.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. No absolutely not! I feel the same way πŸ˜‰ there are so many people that I connect with. It’s hard to just pick one

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Thank god I’m not alone!

          Liked by 1 person

  3. deepbluesandseafoamgreens · · Reply

    Awh Zareen!!
    But I thought you had a bf?

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    1. We broke up. October 12. Thank god!

      Like

      1. deepbluesandseafoamgreens · · Reply

        AWWW im sorry Zareen

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Dont be. I’m very happy without him!

          Liked by 1 person

          1. deepbluesandseafoamgreens · · Reply

            Oh okay!

            Like

  4. From the creepy and comedic sound of things…it seems like dating websites are just not the place for you to find your true love. But I think if you were in a different space you would run across different people. πŸ™‚ Your blog continues to be great reading material. I like how you merge funny with super-serious and just be yourself.

    Like

    1. Haha i know i know!
      Oh my god. No one has ever explained my genre in a better sentence. Thats exactly how i write!
      Brie! Thank you so much babe! ❀️❀️

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Dont worry you aren’t ending up alone…first you are too young…second you are never too old for your soul mate πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awww thank you! ❀️❀️

      Like

  6. Hi Zareen! I’m sure you will find the one guy… there must be someone out there for you! πŸ˜‰
    Happy Christmas! πŸ˜€

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, i hope so too!
      Merry christmas! πŸŽπŸŽ„πŸŽ…

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Nice post.. and don’t worry πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You know, sometimes i think ending up alone isnt a bad thing at all.

      Like

      1. Well, frankly speaking it’s not for most of the time but crazy basic human nature would drive us mad sometimes about it..

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Crazy basic human nature. Hmm, I like this word.

          Liked by 1 person

  8. Do NOT lose hope..shit happens but hang in there for the happy ending!

    Like

    1. I’m hanging. Literally.

      Like

  9. A very, very funny post “Zarrem I think we should definitely have some babies.” – I mean, seriously!

    Liked by 1 person

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