I have had an exceptionally great day yesterday. What with all the hassle surrounding mom’s second marriage to a guy fifteen years older than her, deciding whether to immigrate to Canada/Cali, shifting our house and planning where go for further studies, I finally got my much needed break today.
It’s true what they say. Being around people with positive energy really affects you. I am so used to getting negative vibes from les gens at my work place and home that I totally forgot how nice, how very very nice it is to be with someone who’s a bundle of good energy. He’s not a bubbly, jumpy little rabbit full of optimism. In fact, he is sober man, in his fifties full of brightness and love. He is a realist but at the same time someone I wouldn’t mind hanging around with.
But just because I have had a great day doesn’t mean I ain’t gonna rant.
In Pakistan, we have this awesome (not) culture of sticking with our families. If I marry a Pakistani guy, I am not asked and instead the poor soul I’m marrying automatically assumes that I would luurrvvee to stay with his family.
.And therefore, am not marrying the guy but the famille. Similarly, we usually form very close knitted families,always trying to marry off our daughters and sons to their cousins so the children stay in the family and contribute to further increase our dynasty (if you know what I mean). We often frown upon the American culture and feel sorry for people who have to go in Old Age homes instead of staying with their sons and dictating how he should run his marriage life.
I truly believe that we live in an utterly hypocritical society. Family means the people you share your house with. Family doesn’t mean the long-distance-cousin-you-have-never-ever-heard-of. Anyone who says that it does, is full of bull.
My naive little mother told my grandmother ( who by the way, is also her aunt) about her second marriage. What she did was right. I actually encouraged mum to come clean with everyone involved in the situation. What I never anticipated was that my grandma would ring every close and not so close relative and spread the word, hoping to cause my mother enough humiliation to reconsider her decision.
Family? Yeah right. Some family.
I was so furious after I heard this news, I could hardly keep my voice from escaping my apartment. And what further furious-ized me was that my mom wasn’t entirely blaming my grandma. I swear, she was trying to come up with reasons as to why she would have done something so mean. Have you heard of Stockholm’s syndrome? It’s when someone kidnaps you and you began sympathizing with them. In a very different way, this situation is very similar to my mom’s.
So now we have established that not only did I grow up in a semi-broken home, I now have parents who are divorced and a khandan full of people who are entirely insane.
But don’t you dare let this affect you. Even if you belong to a family as deranged as mine, remember: you’re the only who’s not. You’re awesome. Therefore, you should continue to spread the light.